I often get asked the question, “So, when are you trying for a third baby?” Well, hopefully, NEVER! I am going to talk about my experience and decision to get a tubal ligation after my second child was born. Deciding to get your tubes tied can be a lot to process, so here is my experience!
First Thoughts of Getting Tubes Tied
When I initially decided to have a baby, I was adamant about only having one. I consistently told my husband, friends and family that my oldest daughter would be my only daughter because I know myself and our life situation. My husband works crazy hours, I love having a career, and having multiple babies just seemed like WAY too much for me. I was thinking about getting my tubes tied immediately, but it was already crossing my mind.
Pregnancy and I do not go well together. I pretty much stayed sick my whole pregnancy. I am also a very much “on the go person” and being pregnant slowed me down A LOT. One day I almost passed out in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot because I worked out too hard at the gym. I also make HUGE babies and my almost ten pound child changed my body in one too many ways. Let’s also not forget about giving up alcohol, charcuterie boards, and sushi…
We Loved Parenthood
Well, despite the emergency C-section and horrible pregnancy, I ended up being obsessed with the whole parenting thing. I was glad I did not get my tubes tied yet. Our oldest daughter was a dream and she seamlessly fit into our crazy lifestyle. I remember us just laying in bed blissfully taking in every coo, cry, and little smile. With the most sincerity, I don’t remember being stressed very often in that first year of her life. It was literally like a picture perfect dream. So, it was also no shocker when we began immediately talking about having number two!
Before Evelyn was even a year old, I was pregnant with our second. We were beyond thrilled when I found out it was another little girl. I imagined (and still imagine) how they would be just like me and my sister. Well, fast forward to the month before I was due and my first daughter’s 18th month mark. Everything started to change…
The Early Decision
Evelyn hit “terrible twos” a few months earlier than expected, and retrospectively, I am sort of glad she did. Those last few months were already a major struggle. I was sick all the time (again), huge, and chasing around an 18-month old. On top of that, I was having to deal with constantly sick toddler, major tantrums, and still maintaining a job/household.
So, when the question came up about birth control after giving birth, I told my doctor I had already decided I wanted my tubes tied. I was slightly afraid she would try to talk me out of it because of my age. However, my doctor didn’t push back, she just asked if I had any doubts. She told me if I had any doubts, she would refuse to do the procedure. While it is easy to do, it is not quite as easy to undo. I had zero doubts about the decision.
Our Major Reasons
At the end of the day, I had to sit back and look at our current situation. The reality of our life is that I am home a good bit of the week by myself with the kids. I knew this when we had Evelyn and still knew this going into Logan. Being outnumbered was going to be hard enough, and adding more children would obviously increase that challenge.
Knowing yourself is the most important thing. I know I need alone time and the ability to stay on the go. Also, I know I want to be the best parent I can be. That all being said, I think having another baby would have been a horrible decision for me. It just didn’t seem responsible.
Luckily, my husband did not push back and agreed. There was discussion about the “love” aspect of it all, and we know we have plenty of love to give. Resources are not an issue, we know we have enough to take care of of another child. But, we know that is still not enough. We were definitely afraid that we would get wrapped up in the baby bliss again. To us, it is like getting a puppy… we already had three! They are super cute until they are screeching through the night and eating your favorite pair of shoes.
Getting Your Tubes Tied
I did have a unique situation as far as the procedure went. Because I had an emergency C-section with my first, I just scheduled a planned C-section for my second. This made it much easier as far as getting your tubes tied. I really can’t tell you any other great perspective on the procedure part because it really was just lumped into the whole C-section thing. However, here is a link to an article that give a few more specific details!
During the C-section, my husband and I were whispering back and forth and he jokingly asked me if I was sure I didn’t want another. Apparently, we were not whispering low enough, because the doctor stopped what she was doing and said, “Not to be nosy, but just wanting to double check that you are sure!”. I knew I was. It all just felt right. From the moment we decided to the moment it was happening, I never regretted a thing.
Final Thoughts
We made the absolute best decision for our family. I am very grateful that we stuck to our guts and went through with all of it. Never once have I felt sad about not having another baby or feeling like I made a mistake. The only sort of sadness I have felt is just know that everything is a “last”. I by no means want to repeat this phase of life, but it is still bitter sweet.
So, to sum it all up, here are some things I considered and you might consider when getting your tubes tied:
- Do you feel like you would be able to handle another child fiscally and emotionally?
- Where does your mental health stand? Is this something you know would be able to handle?
- What kind of support do you have? Would having another child be too much on you?
- Do you have the time to devote to another child?
I am glad I made this decision for ME. By no means am I trying to encourage, sway or convince any woman to go through with getting your tubes tied. However, I am grateful I can share my experience and let other women know that they have options.